Monday, June 10, 2013

Children of Divorce

When my parents divorced, so many years ago, I remember being devastated. My world was literally torn in two. I didn't enjoy going to my father's house. He was very strict. No so unusual for the time; the leather strap hanging from the microwave cart was quite a deterrent.

I know his heart was broken. I understand how that feels now more than ever. I also understand how hard it is to put focus on others while being strangled by sorrow and grief. 

When there are children involved, it is immensely important to remember, they didn't ask to be a part of this, but the pain is just as real for them. I have to say, as someone who's experienced both sides, for me, it's harder as an adult, but that doesn't diminish the pain I felt as a child. It was harder to understand, making ignorance bliss.

So many people forget the pain their children must be feeling while they are trying to hurt their ex, or are preoccupied with new potential dates, or both. 

Every mean word you say to or about your child's other parent will resonate with them. Every new person they see you with will be remembered. And, whether you like it or not, one day they will most like find out what caused the marriage to end. 

I suppose how they feel about it will depend on how much they still hurt. 

I promised myself and my children many years ago I will always be honest with them. Without honesty, how can we as parents expect them to be honest with us? I would much rather my children come to me when something is happening than for them to learn the hard way.