Thursday, May 30, 2013

Reality Vs. Illusion



I think there was a part of me that always knew; from the very first lie. It was so stupid! Why would anyone lie about something so trivial? Age is only a number, after all. He said he was 26, but he was not. By three years, he wasn’t, and I found out in front of his entire family during a holiday celebration. That was the moment I felt a rush of blood starting in my toes and racing all the way to the top of my head.

He took me to the basement of his aunt’s house, and proceeded to break up with me.

What?!

I’m three weeks into a relationship with this man who has completely swept me off my feet, and he’s breaking up with me because he was caught in a lie; a stupid one to boot. The part I did not realize then, he was manipulating me. I didn’t want to break up, and the thought hadn’t crossed my mind, but he immediately went there, and in my mind I had done something wrong. I went on begging him not to do something so rash (yes, beg). After he so generously took me back, we continued to have a lovely holiday party with people I would never see again.

One month later, we moved in together. Eleven months later, we were married. Unfortunately, this was only the first lie to be uncovered. I was so trusting, naive, young, and lonely. That was the day my trust started chipping away.

Over the last year…
I have been uncovering more and more about the man I thought I knew so well. At this point, I know more about him than anyone else, aside from possibly his therapist, but I doubt that. His sister, who knew very little about him, told me his mother always said he was a pathological liar. Possibly the only truth she ever told Mary (not really her name) about her brother. However, talking to her was very insightful.

My four year old daughter, who looks exactly like her father, has always been a little story teller, too. What kid isn’t? I used to fear this trait would carry on with her, but not anymore. I understand why he lied so much. Shame. He didn’t want me to know the real him, so he told me a story of who he wanted to be, with bits of the truth mixed in to make it easier to remember.

Pathological lying is only a symptom of a far greater problem. If someone can’t be true to you about their past, never believe they will be true to you about their future. The lies will only continue to build. That’s one wall I never want to break down again. Brick by brick, lie by ugly lie.